Transition: Moving from a Hotwife to a Cuckold Relationship

This post was originally published on The Venus Cuckoldress Blog.

By Aaron and Simone

If you are a guy reading this you probably share the idea that the woman you love being fucked by another man is highly arousing. You aren’t alone. Depending on the study you read upwards of 50% of men feel the same. If you are a woman reading this you might be thinking why does my man want me to do this?

We are a happily married couple in our 40’s, busy kids, busy lives, busy careers (physician and psychologist) who delved into this lifestyle 10 years ago and want to share some of our experiences in an effort to help others out there thinking about including cuckolding into their intimacy.

We started with some “light” same room swinging and fairly quickly realized we preferred threesomes with another guy. It felt less complicated at the moment but no less challenging to set up. Hotwifing was our thing for the next couple of years. It wasn’t until we moved into a cuckold dynamic that things really clicked for us. This first blog entry is how that came about and why it works for us.

Some popular media will interchange the terms hotwife and cuckold relationship but they are not one and the same. Some aspects overlap but the differences are important and can help start the communication for couples. More men don’t experience the ecstasy this lifestyle can bring with their partners because they don’t know how to communicate.

Opening the cuckolding door isn’t a simple key, it’s a series of complicated locks and bolts, but one of the first keys is understanding that hotwifing is more about the man and cuckolding is more about the woman. Explain this well to your partner and you have got one lock open.

Watching my wife get fucked, really fucked hard, is erotic for both of us. Being inside of her with another man is amazing for both of us. Communicating with the guy and “giving him permission” so to speak was a turn on for me but not for her. In the hotwife dynamic we found another guy together. We both looked at online profiles together. We’d even always do the first meet and greet together. It was very much about me sharing her with another man.

If most guys are honest they will admit they find it exciting looking for that other guy for their partner to be with. Someone bigger, stronger, more virile. The problem with that though is that she isn’t mine to share like some possession – she is her own individual person with her own desires and needs. I’m also not her – she knows her wants and needs better than me.

In cuckolding she is the one seeking out the guy, building the relationship, communicating what her needs are. For most women building that connection with another person will lead to much better sex than if their partner simply finds someone for them to fuck. She then brings that energy and experience back to the primary relationship. It’s an important difference.

Our transition into cuckolding was enlightening for us. It brought us to a higher plane of intimacy. One of our kids was playing high-level soccer and had a coach in his early 30’s. Tall dark handsome type. He was in a relationship, coaching our kid – ethically off-limits. She had always found herself hugely drawn to him.

It wasn’t until a year later when she bumped into him, now single not coaching, that she asked him for coffee. She initiated what she wanted. She didn’t ask me first. We didn’t go to coffee with the 3 of us. She came home after their spontaneous date and told me that she was going to go out with him again and that she was going to embark on a sexual relationship with him. She wanted to fuck him. She had never been more confident, assertive, and independent. She wasn’t asking my permission. She was telling me what she was going to pursue.

She was still a hotwife but now I was cuckolded. I could feel her abandoning her inhibitions and surrendering to lust. It wasn’t that our primary relationship was suddenly less important. There was space for her to have more. For us to have more. It was fucking hot.

They had intense chemistry and built a really great connection. He was on the dominant side and even though he’d never truly been a “bull” before he figured out the role quickly. They had amazing dirty erotic sex. She tried new things. She even enjoyed the occasional threesome with his roommate.

Their relationship flourished but so did ours. We both had a whole new level of energy. We talked more. We loved more. We fucked more. We enjoyed what came from pushing our comfort zone. I tasted and cleaned up after their fucking. I’ll never forget when she came back home late one night and I was cleaning her up and I said “you taste different tonight” and she said “I bet I do. His roommate is mixed in there too.” That experience wouldn’t happen in hotwifing. She was in control of her body. She had decided to let his roommate fuck her. I loved the cuckolding dynamic. Clearly so did she.

When you sit down with your partner to open up this discussion, understand that this is more about her than you. Explain that you want her to be in control. Tell her you’ve been reading about the difference between being a hotwife and cuckolding. Of course, be honest – you have a huge desire to be part of things – not part of setting up the dating, profiles, etc… but part of the intimacy. She will be calmer if she knows she’s in control. You are doing this to enhance the connection you have with her. Compersion is a real feeling – deriving joy from seeing and feeling someone else’s joy.

Yes, you’d be highly aroused if she came home after fucking another man full of his cum but that even more important than that is her comfort and your primary connection. Don’t rush it. Tell her clearly you value the relationship you have above all else but that you don’t want her to ever feel like she belongs to you. She doesn’t. If she finds someone she wants to experience sexually she doesn’t have to ask your permission. You trust her. If you don’t, this isn’t for your relationship!

You also need to make it clear this is not a two-way street. You aren’t seeking another woman. This is about her, NOT you in control. Start the communication. Listen to Venus together. Open. Honest. Communication.

About the authors

Aaron & Simone are a couple who have been transitioning into a cuckold lifestyle over the last 10 years. They are in their 40’s, have a busy family and busy jobs, and busy life, and they keep this fun kink discrete. They are a physician and psychologist who love to communicate and share with others. They’ve learned a lot over the years and want to share whatever they can to help others.