This article was originally published in ASN Lifestyle Magazine
Although there are many benefits to embarking on a cuckolding journey within a loving relationship, there are also several reasons why women would shy away from the idea of it. Confidence, or a lack thereof, is one of them.
I feel like a loving cuckolding relationship is like having your cake and eating it too. You have a loving and adoring faithful husband and yet you also have the gift of having mind-blowing sexual experiences with other men, and you both love it that way. And for many women they see it that way as well – it’s been an opportunity to empower themselves and their relationship – but getting to that point involves having the courage to face fears and insecurities which we don’t always communicate to our partner.
The idea of having to fuck men who are strangers is terrifying for most women. Let’s face it, safety is always our number one concern in our daily lives and more so in our sexual lives. Will he violate consent? Will he physically hurt me? We are put in vulnerable circumstances with new men and we have to trust that they won’t try to harm us and that’s not easy to do. Addressing her safety is the first step for her to feel safe and confident to pursue other sexual experiences.
When a husband proposes cuckolding to his wife, often times they’ve been married for a while and she feels comfortable with their current sex life and confident with her body when it comes to how she looks and feels sexy to her husband. But when faced with the idea of having to have sex with someone else we worry about if we will be sexy for others. Will other men find me attractive? Will other men find my body sexy? What if they don’t? We worry about that moment of rejection and how embarrassing it would be not just for us but for our partner.
Sexual skills are also something that crosses our mind. Sex with someone you’ve been in a relationship with for a long time is comfortable and predictable and her confidence in her sexual skills is likely high. She knows what turns him on and she knows how to make it enjoyable. But with someone new she will worry about if she’s able to perform. What if she isn’t great at blowjobs? What if she isn’t confident with talking dirty or even flirting? What if he thinks she is boring in bed? And what if she can’t be the slutty wife that her husband fantasizes about? All of this is enough to make her not want to even consider the idea of cuckolding.
So husbands, as you can see there are some really significant issues that can be the reason why she rejects the idea of cuckolding and she likely won’t tell you about any of them – she’ll just say no. But there are some things you can do which will help build her confidence.
The first is obvious. You probably think telling her she’s beautiful is the most important thing to do – and it is important – but there are more crucial things you need to start doing. The first is focus on her even before you broach the subject of fantasies with her. Pamper her. Book a spa day often for her to just relax and enjoy herself. Take her shopping for new clothes, shoes, lingerie. Book a boudoir photo shoot for her (yeah spend the money on it and don’t ask for anything in return). Simply invest in your wife’s confidence.
Second, let her learn to love the body she has right now. Don’t suggest changing her body (don’t tell her to work out) and start to compliment her on the areas that you know she already feels confident in and do it often. Let her feel your gaze from across the room. Adore her. Cherish her.
Third, talk to her gently about any insecurities she may have. Let her know that the door is open for her to talk to you about anything, anytime. Share your own insecurities with her – all of them. Actively listen for the sake of listening and not for the purpose of solving the problem.
Four is go slow. She can start with just sharing with you who she sees as attractive. Later she can flirt with other men if she wants. Learning to flirt with strangers is key in boosting her confidence. She will see that other men find her attractive and sexy. Start sexting with her but let her take the lead with it. Eventually she can practice sexting with others. Arrange for dates that only include dinner or drinks with another man and nothing afterwards. Be there with her if she prefers that.
Lastly, and most importantly let go of your fantasy expectations. Ease the pressure she feels to perform for you by just letting her do what she feels safe and comfortable with. You will have other opportunities down the road to explore your cuckolding fantasies. Let her write the script and let her set the boundaries, rules, and limits according to what she feels comfortable with. If she doesn’t want oral sex then she can take that off the table. If she wants a one night stand then she can have it. If she wants to find a friend with benefits then that’s okay too. This will help her to feel safe when exploring sex with other men.
These are just a few suggestions and there are other reasons but I think the most important message I’m trying to get across is that men need to be aware of that low confidence may play a part in why your wife may flat out reject the idea of sleeping with other men. If you really do want a loving cuckolding relationship that’s thrilling and super sexy, you need to invest in your wife’s self confidence and that will translate to her sexual self confidence as well. Sexual empowerment begins with her so let her sit in the driver’s seat and enjoy the incredible ride together.